yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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