She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
