Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
