A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
