Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize