if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
