Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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