I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
