I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
