I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
