please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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