I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize