Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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