My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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