He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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