I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You took a bar mat shot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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