Having a random hookup so left but love u
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
