Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
