Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
