i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
