She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
