Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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