I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
