I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
