thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
