The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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