drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
