I wish I could teleport
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
