she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
