I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
