if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
