wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
