So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
