this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
