I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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