Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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