I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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