All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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