This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
