Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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