Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
