We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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