rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
