i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
