Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
