All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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