you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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