i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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