margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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