ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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