I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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