i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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