3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
