Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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