It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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