he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
