yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
