There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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