u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
