Don't you send me to vm
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
