I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
