Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
