Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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