A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
