I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
