Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
