I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Enjoy the penises
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize