Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
