can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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