is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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