um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
