if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
