i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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