bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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