I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize