how can u be prego again
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
