Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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