so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
