i wish my penis had a tongue
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
