I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
