This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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