Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
