"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
