I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
