I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
