I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
