I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
