they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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