Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize