KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
