ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
