Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
