chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
