Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
