i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it hurts more in the daytime
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
