i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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