I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
